I am so tired.

I'm overextended with volunteer activites and extended in overtly voluntary activites while active with extended covert volunteers.

I need sleep...

100 Things You May Not Know about 'Bitchen' Ric

Inspired by this

1. My other site, bitchen.com averages 7500% more visitors per day than this blog. (528 vs 7)
2. I seldom update my other site.
3. I have been called the "Walter Mitty of Limerence."
4. Nearly every car I've ever regularly driven leaked oil like a sieve.
5. I didn't celebrate Christmas for the first 25 years of my life.
6. I'm not Jewish nor Jehovah's Witness.
7. I'd rather watch movies than clean the house and often do.
8. I have an indescribable backlog of laundry to wash.
9. I prefer to write rhyme and meter over blank or free verse.
10. I believe that satire is the pinnacle of humor genres.
11. I believe that parody is the best form of satire.
12. I believe that self-parody is the funniest thing anyone can do. [The more straight-laced the better.]
13. I often indulge in self-parody.
14. I occasionally alienate people because I can't pass up an opportunity for a great one-liner.
15. Lilacs bring back my childhood.
16. I shared a prescient dream with my brother when we were kids that came true when we were adults.
17. I like to think I'm musically talented.
18. I'm actually far more talented at programming.
19. When surrounded by buffoons, I can't help but take charge.
20. I want cable television.
21. I simply can't justify the cost of cable television with my current budget.
22. I am a huge movie trivia buff.
23. I wanted nothing but daughters and got three of them.
24. I know some Yiddish.
25. I took four years of German, know grammar and syntax cold, but have lost nearly the entire vocabulary.
26. I used to be friends with Rod Woodson's brother, but I've never met Rod Woodson.
27. I cried when John Lennon was shot.
28. The public library has billed me many times for books my daughters have lost in the black hole of their bedroom.
29. I always find the books so I don't have to pay for them.
30. My commute to work is 30 minutes.
31. I listen to audiobooks religiously.
32. My favorite English phrase is "Palindromic Binary Representation."
33. I can't stand to listen to a song I don't know really loud.
34. I have to turn down the radio to find a house number.
35. I am excellent at reading maps and finding my way to places.
36. It baffles me that I know really intelligent people who don't have the first clue how to solve a logic puzzle.
37. I believe JFK is a brilliantly-crafted, well-produced, Oscar-quality bucket of lies.
38. I believe that kissing is more important and often more thrilling than sex.
39. Until I married a blonde, I was only attracted to brunettes.
40. Until my brother married a redhead, I never saw the appeal of redheads.
41. Only God knows if my oldest brother will ever date, let alone get married.
42. I am the youngest of three brothers with the common initials "R.E.J."
43. My dad is a mainframe-programming ham-radio geek with the initials "R.E.J." :)
44. If you've ever seen George Castanza's parents on Seinfeld, you already know mine.
45. My parents differ from The Castanzas by exactly the same degree they resemble Archie and Edith Bunker.
46. When I was growing up, my family never missed an episode of M*A*S*H, All in the Family, or The Mary Tyler Moore show.
47. I believe that Taxi is perhaps the best television show ever.
48. I think the "Yellow Light" scene in Taxi where Reverend Jim is taking the written driving test is absolutely the funniest thing ever shown on television.
49. I believe WKRP in Cincinnati (early in the first run) was the most consistently funny thing ever aired on network television.
50. I really wanted Claire Danes to fall for the geeky kid when they unceremoniously killed My So-Called Life
51. I've never seen Freaks and Geeks
52. I believe Mel Gibson is a very attractive man.
53. I regret not going away to college.
54. I regret never having lived single.
55. I don't regret basically giving up drinking at age 21.
56. I'm addicted to Mountain Dew.
57. I think the rush of performing music is second only to the rush associated with a first kiss.
58. I feel fortunate to be within driving distance of the best roller coaster park in the world, Cedar Point.
59. I only go to Cedar Point about once every two years.
60. I prefer Chicago over LA or NYC.
61. I think Laguna Beach, CA is about the nicest "touristy" place in the country.
62. The only foreign and remotely exotic place I've ever been is the Bahamas.
63. I've been to the Bahamas once, for a total of ten hours.
64. I kissed a girl for the first time at 17.
65. I was a virgin (from fear of pregnancy) till I was 20.
66. Statistically speaking, 18 was my best dating year with 3 girlfriends and an incredible chance encounter (but remember #65).
67. I often scan the checklanes when I walk into Wal-Mart or a grocery store so I can decide which lane to check out from, based on the attractiveness or familiarity of the checker.
68. I'm an incorrigible flirt.
69. I currently own about 90 DVDs and about 500 CDs.
70. I think Kirstie Alley is stupid and remarkably unfunny.
71. I think John Edwards is a fake.
72. I'm not sure about Ms. Cleo. ;)
73. I believe Stephen King is a brilliant writer, even if it's not great literature.
74. I like the blues and have spontaneously taken the stage on several occasions to sing "Sweet Home Chicago," twice in a fairly significant venue.
75. I enjoy Karaoke, but don't force it on anyone.
76. I used to hate Chinese food, now I love it.
77. I am excellent with chopsticks and will not eat Chinese food without them, even Ramen noodles.
78. I've never had anyone really, really close to me die young or unexpectedly.
79. My two favorite professors from college are dead. One drank potassium cyanide while I was still in college, the other (a chain-smoker) died of cancer shortly after taking me to lunch to tell me he was dying.
80. I think if someone could take a Tom Clancy plot and Stephen King's characters and put them in the same book, it'd be an incredibly entertaining experience.
81. I got email from Roger Ebert once, agreeing with my assessment of Stephen King movies.
82. I think "Mmm Bop" is a really catchy song.
83. I sometimes write erotica.
84. I think "Late in the Evening", "Marlena on the Wall" and especially "Like a Prayer" are examples of perfectly crafted pop songs.
85. I've been able to play most of Billy Joel's "My Life" on the piano for 20 years(!) but never learned the bridge, which is probably only two chords. ("I never said..")
86. I often succumb to SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) if it's overcast for long periods.
87. My first major depression was in my junior year of high school when the sun didn't come out for an entire 9-week grading period (I failed many things). When the sun came out, I was cured.
88. I cry at movies that feature an underdog garnering the support of the crowd. (Even if they don't win.)
89. I never cry at sadness in a movie, only happiness.
90. I fear drowning after a few close calls as a kid.
91. I am deeply acrophobic to the point of vertigo if there's only a railing. Being high in a glassed-in building or airplane doesn't phase me.
92. Sometimes when I drive, I am overwhelmed by the fact that a very small error could kill me.
93. I hit curbs when I drive.
94. I have terrible hand-eye coordination.
95. I'm terrible at video games.
96. I've never "finished" a video game in my life.
97. I love chess, but I'm terrible at it. I can't picture the moves ahead for some reason.
98. I love "Chess," the 1984 concept album for the musical that spawned the hit "One Night in Bangkok". It is my favorite.
99. My next favorite albums include "90125," "Glass Houses," "Watermark," "The Prince's Trust 10th Anniversary," and "Upstairs at Eric's"
100. I wish the respective artists would bring back "The Far Side" and "Calvin & Hobbes."

Is it just me, or does this look like R2D2?

Seen my ad on BlogHop? It's worth a chuckle...

So I've had a fever, cold or residual (non-communicable) cough since Dec 22. She-who-must-not-be-named has no concept of communicability cycles of colds. She is also a professional singer. (More than I am a musician).

Bottom line: I'm married and I haven't been kissed so far in 2002. That just sucks. Nobody. She's kissing guys on New Year's, I get nothing...

Have you seen this: Acronym Finder: Look up 228,000 acronyms/abbreviations & their definitions? I've used it for years, but I suspect there's a ton of people who could use it but never knew it existed.

Confused by that acronym being tossed around the Web, but are afraid to ask? Go there.

Worried

So worried.

Can't break the rules. What is there to do?

Play by the rules and worry for the next 12 hours? 24 hours? Week? Lifetime?
Break the rules and risk losing everything?

I guess worrying is better than losing everything. I guess.

Tell me you've never felt this way...
Never had the internal debate.

Never worried so much that you're willing to risk everything rather than not knowing.
Why is not knowing so hard?

Why is hearing that the worst has happened so much easier than not knowing if the worst has happened?

When I was a kid, my brother would torment me with this ancient, metal, toy gun. You'd pull the trigger "Click." Release the trigger "Clack." Never a click without a clack. One day he figured out that he could carefully release the trigger and avoid The Clack. He would click-clack it within hearing range several times, then click it and suppress The Clack.

It would drive me nuts waiting for The Clack that never came. (Brothers are good for driving us nuts.)

My mother's generation called it "waiting for the other shoe to drop."

Is that the same phenomenon that makes worry so painful? Is worry a divine Click-Clack obsession?

Hell is "shave and a haircut" without "two bits."

Boo!

Whaddya lookin at? Get back to work!

I'll post later...

Bitchen Ric on Rare Meat:

Rare anything turns me away. It's the Republican in me, I guess. [What the hell does *that* mean?] I say if we're gonna violate an animal's rights by eating it, then we should go full bore and ice the evil cake with flames!

Your mileage may vary. [Thanks for the correction, M!]

I don't generally do stuff like this, but I thought it was clever... [Saw it here.]

R

You are restricted. Well done, you're now
practically adult in nature, and plus, you
get to see nudity - have fun.

"Which Movie Classification Are You?"
Test created by Jamie - take it here.

Hurrah! I have a new layout up! Version 4! The third in a series by my good friend Allen--who has the odd, but delightful, propensity for painting clothes on nude figures in photoshop. Thanks Allen! (And thanks for making it wide enought to use a bigger font!)

And thanks to you few people who look here and make it worth my while..

Blah, Blah, Blah and Blog is the new Wired article on blogs. A cool quote:

As increasing hordes take on the task of trying to keep new sites looking nice, sounding original and free from banalities, more hordes just seem to fail.

That's what I'm on about...

Atlanta : Why it's not in Indiana

Rather than give my full impression of Atalanta, I think I can condense by comparing and contrasting Atlanta to Fort Wayne, Indiana where I live. Probably silly and pointless--but this is a blog.

Driving in Atlanta

All points can be reached by using exclusively interstate highways or exclusively surface roads or any combination. Be careful. Do one or the other. Combining them doubles your travel time.

Outside of downtown, no roads are straight. You cannot predict where the hell turning left will take you. Ever.

"Peachtree" is not specific enough of a street name to find anything. There are 762 different streets in the greater Atlanta area that have "Peachtree" in their name.

People actually heed your lane-change turn signaling. Wow. In NYC, people heed your lane change indications but they give you only 14 millimeters more than your car will fit in to change lanes. In Indiana, people have a singular attitude toward lane changes: "To hell with that, he ain't gettin in in front of me. He can rot in that other lane before I let him in." It's true.

Driving to Atlanta

For the same twelve hours spent, it's one heck of a lot less boring then the Ohio-Pennsylvania route to NYC. You actually see interesting places like Louisville, Nashville, and Indianapolis.

People in Atlanta

Are far more color-blind (racially speaking) than Hoosiers.

Seldom have Georgia accents. Because, like Florida, almost no one is a native.

Miscellaneous

Cost of living is higher, restaurants more expensive.

WebTV in your hotel room sucks no matter where you are.

There are more Radio Shacks in Atlanta than churches in Fort Wayne. That is a very significant fact. (Fort Wayne is known as a "city of churches").

Nashville's interstate system is far less confusing than Atlanta's.

As in LA, car pool lanes in Atlanta are a slice of heaven for the family traveller.

You can't get into CNN even if your wife's best friend works there. (Thanks, Osama!)

Atlantans fought a different war in the 1860's than Hoosiers did.

And, Mary--since you asked--you don't really want details of what I did. Trust me. But here's one: we met this guy whose shop is below the Italian restaurant where we spent $160 feeding four adults and three kids family-style. (If you go to the site, notice he gives his location as "Peachtree." That wouldn't actually get you there...)

Wow.

Can I just say "wow?" O_o

Wish I could tell you why...

Or maybe you already know...

Rant Warning

Even the most well thought-out thesis can be irrevocably stymied by poor writing.

Someone sent me a blog passage today (I can't tell you which one) that I had to read twice before I could even grasp what the hell the author was saying. I'm not a stupid person. This is just silly.

There is no substitute for simple declarative writing. Especially if you have a point worth explaining.

I'm not saying the author's point was not a valid one. I'm saying he took three convoluted paragraphs to say it. Like many pseudo-intellectuals the theme underlying the construction of the "essay" was one of "if I can make it sound metaphorical or passionate, then that will make up for the fact that I'm expressing a rather weak and universally agreed-upon point."

So much blog-writing I have to bleep over. Not because it's some interesting right-brained puzzle (like good poetry) that I can't make the time to decypher, but because it simply wastes my time *not* communicating.

And by the way, I read some poetry today that was just bad same type of thing that "if I use extra carriage returns and no punctuation, then it must be art." It's simply dada.

End of Rant Area

Back from Atlanta. Lots to tell, but you'll have to ask. Will answer any specific questions...

Leave questions in "comments" below this post. :P

Well, I'm off to Atlanta for four days. Be back Tuesday. Don't know if I'll get the chance to blog. I will if I can.

In the interim, go see this blog and this blog and even this blog if you're in the mood.

Becklyn had this to say. She's absolutely right.

And what kills me is that it's not the first time I've made that mistake. Why does the School of Hard Knocks make you repeat classes? Sorry Beck.

Sorry I haven't posted much. I was sick yesterday. I'm still pretty upset that something I wrote in my blog upset someone else.

Anyone remember that WKRP episode where Johnny Fever told everyone to dump garbage at City Hall during a garbage strike? And everyone did? Then he realized that there were people out there actually listening and caring. He froze. He couldn't go back on the air knowing that he wasn't simply talking to a microphone, but that he was affecting lives. That was too much responsibility.

Well the same thing has happened to me this week. I was so used to people not even reading what I wrote here and assuming that no one cared, that I was flippant about something I should not have been. Now someone's deeply offended and I fear I've lost a friend.

Now the posting comes very hard thinking that I could easily lose another friend or worse by posting. That my words actually might influence somebody scares me.

And, once again, I'm sorry...

Ick, just read the last post. I mean "I'm the kind of guy that gets sick over offending other people" not "I'm just the kind of guy who's offensive."

Home sick today...

Still upset about upsetting becklyn. I'm just that kind of guy. Write me, okay?

Here are pictures and coverage of the benefit I went to in NY a week and half ago. A nice pic of Stephen King reading his own book is on this page too.

One of my favorites:

The Purist

I give you now Professor Twist,
A conscientious scientist,
Trustees exclaimed, "He never bungles!"
And sent him off to distant jungles.
Camped on a tropic riverside,
One day he missed his loving bride.
She had, the guide informed him later,
Been eaten by an alligator.
Professor Twist could not but smile.
"You mean," he said, "a crocodile."

Ogden Nash

Thought I'd share.

Dang! Major-league Nyquil hangover. Worse than having the cold, I think.

What is the plural of "Mardi Gras?" Any french-speakers out there?

This post shamed me. I was just frustrated when I posted that. Becklyn's mom is fine. Probably no worse than any other mom.

My own mom drives me crazy! O_o

Tried to blog last night, but blogger wasn't responding! Becklyn's blog has moved. We fixed it last night. It has the "bitchen" comment engine working now. Go see!

Read her blog and "random thoughts" on becklyn.com. [Edited 02-13-02]

I just have to toot my own horn! Over lunch I changed the way I count the comments from my content server. A common way to do it is to make an HTTP request (via javascript) for every message to see if it has any comments. Very Slow.

I made it so you call a single JavaScript HTTP request at the top that loads an associative array (an array indexed by article id's rather than a numeric index) of all comment counts for this whole blog. (I know it's a lot more data than I need as it gives me counts for the archives too, but it's less time-consuming that all those HTTP calls.)

Anyway, you'll notice the page loads TONS faster.

P.S. I know GreyMatter or anything else (I use Embperl, very cool) that's server side would do this better. I could have made it server-side, but I wanted to implement a client-side solution so I could give comments to my friends...

what you grasp
you cannot touch
what you touch
you cannot hold
what you hold
you cannot have
what you have
you cannot grasp

yes, you... who else?

I'm so happy! I found my Gig Bag! Been missing since before Christmas. It has my RP100 guitar FX pedal in it. After a hypnosis session (really!) with a friend to figure out what the hell happened to it, I came to the conclusion that it'd been stolen out of my car.

Well remember back in December (check the archives) when I was cleaning for the arrival of my childhood friend? You guessed it, it got shuffled off into a hidden mountain of dirty laundry.

Trying to find socks to wash for the kids, I found it! (Hurrah!)

Well last night was the first gig I didn't play. I didn't really even run sound. I ran out of gas (water in tank) and wasn't sure I'd make it on time, so they got another guy, and I learned a lot from him.

Will tell you about how I felt later. Going to go play guitar at church.

So, a little about NY, then I gotta go. Let's see...

650 miles each way. 1300 miles in a single weekend. Left 4:00 a.m. Saturday, got back 10:30m p.m. Sunday. Jayo had told me exactly how to get to the theatre where the benefit was (Town Hall on 43rd st. at 5th ave. aka Times Square). What he neglected to mention was that I can't actually turn left on 6th Ave off of 42nd st before 7:00 p.m. and we were all (Frank Muller's friends and family) to meet at Cafe 1,2,3 (that's "un, deux, trois" to us unwashed) on 44th street at 6:00 p.m..

So it's Saturday night, Times Square, World Economic Summit going on, and I'm battling taxis try to figure out how hell to get north to 43rd St, when I can't turn left off of 42nd St. I ended up going south to 40th St where ALL THE N-S STREET NAMES CHANGED! It wasn't 4th and 5th Avenue anymore, it was Madison and Park Ave. Dang.

Anyway I finally got parked (in a garage I lost later when it was time to leave) and got to the restaurant at 5:50 p.m. Not bad timing after a 14-hour trip. (Of course 45 minutes of the trip was taken up by getting someone to get the keys out of my car at the Eastbound Snow Shoe rest area on I-80 in Pennsylvania. A funny coincidence, but that's another blog.)

We ate, then went to the benefit to watch Stephen King, Pat Conroy, Peter Straub and John Grisham speak. I'll have more details about the benefit at my other site soon.

Stay tuned.

Yaaay! I got my new layout up. This one's not an IE bigot! Can you read this better Mary? O_o Now I'm off to fix comments in Netscape.

My sincere apologies to whoever's visiting from New Haven using Netscape on a Mac. The site's gotta look like crap. Can you scarf IE from somehwere?

I'll write about New York soon! Right now read about Great Mobile Homes of Mississippi. An oldie but a goodie.

Japanese Engrish is the funniest thing on the Web right now. You MUST go there. Now!

Becklyn's got a boyfriend! Good going girl! Don't drink too much coffee...

Back from NY. Plenty to tell. PA is boring. More later...

Becklyn wants more comments from me. Well, how 'bout commenting on one of mine. Hmmm? See the link below? ^_^ (Oh, hey, sorry 'bout the 'puter, wrong power supply...)

NYC or Bust!

I'm so excited! I'm driving to NYC tommorrow for the Frank Muller Benefit with Stephen King and Jay O Sanders (of JFK and Kiss the Girls fame) invited me (and 30 others) to have dinner before the benefit with some of the biggest names in audiobooks.

Well I've bought a case of Mt Dew, a deli pack of cold meat, two packs of hamburger buns and two tubes of Pringles 1/3 less fat Sour Cream and Onions chips. That's my food for the weekend (except the dinner with Jayo). It'll be 12 or 13 hours each way from Indiana and I'm coming back on Sunday.

It's so cool to travel without the family. I can eat lunch meat the whole way, and only stop when I need to stop. Plus I can listen to Muller's 28.5 hour reading of Pat Conroy's Beach Music without worring about annoying anyone else.

Wish me luck!