jessica simpson <=> lisa simpson?

Jessica Simpson's mother has told Vanity Fair magazine her daughter is a genius whose IQ is in the 160s.
-- Source

Discuss.

(Thanks, Bad Anonymous)

spam subject extraordinaire

I know it's clichè to post spam subjects, but I thought this deserved mention...

todays be$t z00 p0rn $it-e!! 0ur d0g$ and 0ur g|rl$! h@rd(ore! toastinggruff

uri geller : odd sorta feller

Something I read:

Mr. Geller's claim to fame is that he can bend spoons with his mind. Oh sure, he claims a lot of other kookery, but it's the spoon-bending that most people know him for. He purports to be able to bend a spoon just by concentrating on it. Let's assume for the moment that he really can do this feat. Some observations about it:

1) His method is inefficient. It's not like before Uri came along, we were wondering how on earth we'd get a spoon bent. If the need for a bent spoon arose, we'd grab it in our two hands and bend it, simple as that. We didn't have to concentrate very hard on the task.

2) His method is slow. The "grab it with both hands and bend" method of bending spoons is demonstrably faster than the "concentrate and rub" method.

3) His method is unreliable. Believers in psychic ability call this the "sheep and goats effect." For some reason, when a skeptic is in the room or scientific controls are in place that would eliminate cheating, the spoon will fail to bend through mind power alone. Sometimes the "vibes" aren't right. However, the no-rubbing grab-and-bend method works independently of vibes, regardless of how many people in the room doubt it will work.

4) Most importantly, people don't need spoons bent. In fact, the optimal configuration for a spoon is un-bent. The only purpose for bending a spoon I can think of, is demonstrating one's psychic abilities. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I can't think of a single time I've needed a bent spoon. Fortunately, although I'm not psychic, should the occasion arise, I'm pretty sure I could bend one with just my hands.

So in conclusion — this man enjoys fame and, I presume, wealth, because he has a slow, inefficient, and unreliable method for accomplishing a task that no one needs done. He gets invited to TV shows to demonstrate this completely substandard method of performing this useless task.

I am almost certain I can find some job that no one needs done and find a really poor way to do it. I won't claim psychic abilities, though, just my own inept skill set. Do you think I can get some fame and money? I really only want a little...

from JREF

vast cell phone conspiracy

Something occurred to me the other day.

It's obvious in American society in 2004 that more and more people are giving up their home phone and going with a cell phone instead. It's finally become so cost-effective that it's almost a no-brainer for those without kids or a need for dial-up.

The conclusion one could draw is that technological advancements and competition have driven the costs down and now consumers are simply reaping the rewards of a free market.

Who knew? Right?

I'm here to suggest a more sinister chain of events:

It is 1999. Men and women in business suits sit around a walnut conference table. The Big Boss has decided to grace this planning meeting. It really is an honor to be in a meeting with this guy, as your company employs thousands worldwide. You are sitting with the CEO of one of the largest cellular networks in the country.

You, as an underling, a peon, are focused on the tasks of ever other planning meeting: drive down costs. You negotiate with the subs to get better component prices. That's your job.

The CEO speaks.

All are silent, not out of awe or duty, but because he is the type to sit back and watch a meeting happen until the right time and then drop a few lines of wisdom that make everyone see the big picture at once.

"I think we're missing the overall scope here," he says quietly, but convincingly. You hope to God, he'll do The Big Picture thing 'cause that dilrod across the table is clearly not in the same universe as you on the small stuff.

"We need to replace the home phone. We want to get to the place where the average Joe Consumer says 'I don't need a home phone, it's just as cheap to use a cell.'"

Your jaw drops. There's no freaking way. The average basic cellular subscription is more than twice the average local service bill and the long distance doesn't even come close to competing on a home phone level. Add to that service coverage issues like roaming and rural dead spots and there's just no way.

But you do what the boss says.

We are victims of big business. They set their sights on us and gave us a new service we couldn't refuse. A service that's better and cheaper than what we had before. Not only that, but we give up nothing!

Damn Big Business.

And damn those who promote it.

"greed, for lack of a better word, is good . . . greed works"

Mr. Moore says morality shouldn't take a back seat to greed:

"The motivation for war is simple. The U.S. government started the war with Iraq in order to make it easy for U.S. corporations to do business in other countries. They intend to use cheap labor in those countries, which will make Americans rich." -- Michael Moore

So why did he let terrorists help distribute the movie?

According to Screen Daily, Moore’s film will open in mid-July on ten screens in Lebanon and two screens in Syria. Front Row Managing Director Gianluca Chacra said about this: "We can't go against these organizations as they could strongly boycott the film in Lebanon and Syria."

So he doesn't want to risk the revenue from twelve screens? Two of which are in a known terrorist country? Or maybe he doesn't want to risk losing the prestige and support that comes from showing the movie in these countries.

So maybe it's pride.

For which of the seven deadly sins is it okay to sacrifice morality, Mr. Moore?


Fifty-Six Deceits in Fahrenheit 9/11